A Very Good Book

Warning - this blog really is a journal so be forewarned that I am thinking outloud here....

I picked this book up at the library on Wednesday night. I finished it this morning. I am full of thoughts this morning and so grateful for a story to bring them out. I love to read. I am a different person each time I add a book to my experience. (Sometimes more than others.) What a blessing to have a book and it's story and thoughts and ideas rolling around my head while I drive the carpool or make dinner or do what I do in normal life. Such freedom and permission to wander in a new place - we get this in a book.

This was a good one. A true story, well written and thought provoking. It is about a women married to a Maine State trooper. They have an ordinary life with 4 kids. Then on an ordinary day, while he is on duty, he is killed in a motor vehicle accident. She describes her grief, dealing with his death in a beautiful, personal way.

But the main story is about her after his death. She decides to fulfill his dream of becoming a Utilitarian Universalist minister. She becomes a minister and works as a chaplan for the Maine State Search and Rescue Wardens. She accompanies the wardens on rescues as well as searches to give comfort to the families, to show respect and pray over the dead bodies, to provide support for the wardens.

She admits that she is spiritual but not religious. She does not even believe in God - just a spirit of love and peace. She isn't sure about the afterlife. She does have a profound respect for nature and for all of God's creations. She studied the life of Jesus and knows the stories from the Bible but she is not able to come up with a concrete image of diety. She isn't really even trying to work this out. She just is content with the idea of love being the most important thing.

I can't help but apply my knowledge of eternal truths to her story. I come away with the same conclusion - that love and service to others is vital and is indeed sharing God's love. But I'm glad for the deeper knowledge in the face of mortality that there is a plan and an afterlife and a God that knows us individually and is aware of us in families and relationships.

She sees tradedy that doesn't make sense, miracles that do not make sense. She lives in a human world and sees human bodies fail, and humans make terrible choices and humans say goodbye to loved ones but she does not question the fairness of it. She marvels at the outpouring of support and care and love that humans can give each other in the time of crisis.

Maybe it just hit me right, but I loved her exploration of earthly life, human need and the importance of helping each other.

Her last chaper includes these words:

"In a true story, the end is never tidy. So I can only give you untidy searchers returning to the firehouse for their lunch. They are tired, cold and very hungry. They are greeted with platers of lasagna, bowls of coleslaw.... In a little while, they will go back out and search some more. They will try to find a body, living or dead. For now, they are here together, joined in community, bent on the common purpose of love."

I think back to my days of working in the hospital as a nurse. I was in ICU and saw a lot of tragedies, miracles and families saying goodbye. I saw humans facing the death of loved ones young and old. It was intermixed with daily life. I worked a 12 hour shift where someone was dealing with an unexpected death and then went home to volunteer at Tammy's school or go grocery shopping. The living and dying was all mixed up in ordinary events. Even the wonderful watershed days of my life are mixed up with human detail. I dropped off soccer snacks for Megan's team on the way to the temple the morning Tammy was married. Life goes on....

I think of all the sunsets and breath-taking landscapes that I've seen and how I have appreciated Gods love for me in these gifts. I have taken time on an ordinary, mundane day to appreciate and notice the sunlight or rainbow or fall colors. But I've also felt God's awareness of me and love for me on the days when trials have come and my fellowman has been there to help me. His love is palpable then, in the form of my friends and family and the hugs and tissues and cookies that they bring. I think He planned to show his love both ways. It is amazing.